למזוג את הגוף לתוך התנוחה

4 באוגוסט, 2010 מאת ליאת

לפני שבוע נסעתי זו השנה השניה ברציפות לסדנא בת שלושה ימים עם prasad rangnekar
כמו תמיד כשמגיעים למקום או סיטואציה שקשורים לזכרון מהעבר שיש אצלנו בראש, אנחנו מגיעים עם שק מלא ציפיות.
גם כשאנחנו מנסים לבוא נקיים ופתוחים, עצם הזיכרון שקיים אצלנו, מהווה גורם להשוואה שנמצא שם כל הזמן בגב הראש שלנו, ופרטנר נאמן למשחק מסירות בין המציאות העכשווית לזו שחווינו בעבר.
אז אחרי חוויה עוצמתית מאוד ששבתי איתה מהסדנא הקודמת, ציפיות מהסדנא הזו היו בלתי נמנעות כמובן.

מכיוון שהציפיות היו בלתי נמנעות, גם אחיותיהן האכזבות לא איחרו לבוא – ודווקא בגלל זה הסדנא היתה בשבילי מצויינת! :w00t: (אל דאגה, אני אסביר את המשפט הסתום הזה, בתקווה שלא נטשתם את הפוסט בעקבותיו)
אני מתכוונת לזה, שכשאנחנו מתרגלים באמת יוגה, כחלק מדרך החיים שלנו, אנחנו עסוקים בה ובעקרונות שלה הרבה מעבר לגבולות המזרון. ובאופן הזה, כל סיטואציה בחיים שלנו יכולה להיות, אובייקט מצויין להתבוננות ושעור מאלף ביוגה, במיוחד כשאנחנו מוצאים את עצמינו לא מרוצים במיוחד.
וכשאנחנו נמצאים בסיטואציה שכזאת, עם אנשים נפלאים (נורית וירון – הכוונה היא אליכם כאן… :smile: ), עם מורה נעים וקשוב עם לב רחב ובמקום שמאפשר לך לעבור תהליך – זאת מתנה גדולה.

עוד לפני הסדנא, בדרך צפונה, הרגשתי לראשונה משהו פנימי מאוד ועם זאת עוצמתי קורה.
אולי בעקבות הפוסט הקודם שכתבתי והמחשבות על המרחק בין הראש ללב – קרה לי משהו בפעם הראשונה.
הבנתי דבר שאני עוסקת בו שנים, חוקרת אותו, לומדת אותו, קוראת עליו, מתרגלת אותו, מלמדת אותו – ובפעם הראשונה הבנתי אותו בלב, בסוג אחר לגמרי של הבנה – הבנה שלא מסתמכת על שום ידע חיצוני לי אלא על ידיעה פנימית.
וידעתי שהרגע הזה הולך לחלוף ומן הסתם אמצא את עצמי שוב נוברת במחשבות ושבה לשוטט בערבות הראש שלי, אבל הרגשתי שאיזשהו שסתום בתוכי נפתח ודרך "חור הארנב" הזה, אני הולכת להיכנס ולצאת לאיזושהי דרך חדשה לי.

בערב הראשון, אחרי תהליך מונחה של חקירת עצמית, ערכנו טקס יאג'נה – זה כמובן היה טקס יאג'נה לייט שלא באמת התיימר להתקרב לפירוט ולכובד הראש של זה שהיה נהוג בתקופת הוודות, ובכל זאת מטרתו היתה להתאסף סביב האש ולקיים ריטואל של פולחן וקורבן.
נתבקשנו לכתוב על דף שני דברים שנשמח לשחרר מחיינו, וכל אחד בתורו צעד מתוך המעגל אל האש, ומתוך התכוונות מלאה שחרר באופן פיסי את הפתק אל האש ובאופן סימבולי שרף ושחרר את אותם דברים שמהם רצה להיפטר.
אחד משני הדברים שבחרתי אני לשחרר ממני היה ביקורתיות יתר (באופן כללי ובפרט ביקורת עצמית), וגם אני בתורי ניגשתי אל האש ושחררתי לתוכה את הפתק שלי, וכמו כל דבר שנעשה מתוך כוונה מלאה ונקיה, גם לדבר הזה היה את הכוח שלו.

איך אני יודעת את זה?
כי מרגע ששחררתי אל תוך האש את הביקורתיות שלי, היא נצמדה אלי כמו עלוקה לוריד לאורך כל הסדנא ולא הרפתה, כשליחה נאמנה של האגו שמתעורר ונעמד על רגליו האחוריות, בכל פעם שמישהו מאיים לחסל חלק ממנו.
כך התקדמה לה הסדנא, ואני שמעתי את האגו שלי מדבר אלי מכל פינה ורוטן: היה לו מה לומר על הכל, על התרגול, על אופי הדיון, על הקור, על החום, על מצב הרוח שלי, על הקושי להיפתח לחוויות חדשות, על הקושי לחוות שלום אהבה ואחווה למרות העובדה שאני מוקפת בחבורה של אנשים מקסימים ומאירי עיניים מכל עבר.

ובכל זאת, מרכיב אחד נוסף וחשוב היה שם – היתה מודעות לכל זה.
ראיתי את עצמי בתוך המקום הלא מחובר, את הביקורתיות שלי עולה בכל פעם שהאגו שלי פוגש דברים שהוא לא מכיר, או סיטואציות שדורשות ממנו עבודה מנטלית או רגשית – והתבוננתי.
בכל פעם שהתבוננתי, שמתי לב לתהליך שאני עוברת בתוכי:

1. תחילתו בסיטואציה החיצונית שמשפיעה עלי ו"מנערת" אותי ומייצרת אצלי תגובה פנימית מסויימת ורצון לשנות אותה (את הסיטואציה שבחוץ)

2. אחריה בא מאבק פנימי (קצר או ארוך…) בעקבות הנסיונות שלי לשנות את המצב החיצוני לי ולפעמים תסכול בעקבות חוסר ההצלחה לעשות כן,

3. אח"כ מגיע הרגע שבו אני מבינה שהפתרון לא נמצא שם בחוץ ומתחילה להעביר בראשי את סך כל אפשרויות התגובה העומדות לפני במצב בקיים,

4. ובסופו של דבר התמקדות באופציה אחת שנראית לי נכונה באותו הרגע וביצוע שלה

5. בדרך כלל בשלב הזה שבו אני קיבלתי החלטה לידי ויצרתי שינוי אצלי, משהו מיידית השתנה בסיטואציה החיצונית.

אחד הדברים היפים אצל פרסד, הוא היכולת שלו לפשט דברים בצורה נפלאה ולדבר על סוגיות מאוד מופשטות ומורכבות במילים ודימויים נהירים ויפים, כך שהסדנאות שלו מתובלות בדימויים מקסימים שמחזיקים בתוכם אמיתות לעתים מורכבות להבנה, שנחקקות באופן ברור בזיכרון שלי.
באחת הפעמים, בעת האימון הפיסי היומי שלנו, הוא ביקש מאיתנו לחשוב שאנחנו מוזגים את הגוף לתוך התנוחה ולתת לגוף שלנו לקבל את הצורה של התנוחה כמו שמיים נשפכים לתוך כוס ומקבלים את צורתה.

זה היה משפט מאוד יפה שמבהיר בצורה מוחשית מאוד עיקרון של רוך וזרימה שלא תמיד קל להבינו בתרגול. לפעמים לוקח שנים באמת ללמוד אותו ולפעמים הראש מבין אותו, אבל לגוף לוקח זמן להפנים אותו ולהפוך אותו לטבע שלו.

אחרי האימון, אמר לי ירון שהמשפט הזה עשה עליו רושם רב, ודיברנו על היופי שבאימוץ מהות המזיגה בתוך תרגול היוגה. כשבעצם לא משנה איפה אדם נמצא בתנוחה שלו ובאיזו רמה הוא מתרגל, כשהוא חושב על למזוג את הגוף שלו אל תוך התנוחה, הגוף והתודעה שלו מתמלאים באיכות של זרימה וגמישות ומאפשרים לתרגול שלו להתקיים מתוך רכות והרפיה גדולים יותר.

ואני, שכבר בסדנא הייתי עסוקה במחשבות על הפוסט הזה ובשמות אפשריים עבורו, הבטחתי לו על המקום, שלכבודו, זה הולך להיות שם הפוסט – למזוג את הגוף לתוך התנוחה – לחייך ירון :cocktail:

ולמה אני מספרת את זה?
כי בעקבות המשפט הזה, וכמו שקורה לי תמיד עם היוגה, התחלתי לראות איך הוא מצמיח כנפיים ומתקיים הרבה מעבר לגבולות המזרן.
הרי בסופו של דבר, כל דבר שאנחנו עושים בחיים צריך להיחוות כאסאנה (תנוחה יוגית) שכן מה מגדיר את תנוחת היוגה והופך אותה לכזו? – לפחות על פי פטנג'לי, היכולת לשהות בה, ביציבות ובנינוחות לאורך זמן, כאשר תנודות המחשבה שוככות.

אם כך, כל דבר שאנחנו עושים, כל תנוחה שבה אנחנו נמצאים יכולה להפוך להיות מלאת מודעות, ואם אני יכולה למזוג את הגוף אל תוך התנוחה על המזרן ולאפשר איכויות של רכות והרפיה בתוך האימון שלי, אני יכולה למזוג את הגוף שלי בכל רגע ואל כל סיטואציה ולתת לו למלא את המצב שבו אני נמצאת
ויותר מזה, אני יכולה למזוג את התודעה שלי אל תוך כל סיטואציה ולאפשר באופן דומה איכויות של רכות, זרימה והרפיה לחיי – גם לאלה שמחוץ למזרן היוגה.

כמעט שבועיים עברו מאז הסדנא, ולמרות שחזרתי ממנה בתחושות עמומות, דווקא ככל שהימים עוברים והסדנא מתרחקת, אני מגלה שאני חיה את התובנות שסימנתי בה, יום יום בחיי.
אני רואה את התהליך הזה בן חמשת השלבים שחוויתי בה, קורה בכל מיני סיטואציות שהחיים מזמנים לי (והרי החיים תמיד מזמנים ותמיד יזמנו מצבים שנרצה לשנות :unsure: ), ואת היכולת למזוג את עצמי אל תוך תנוחות ומצבים שונים בחיי ולתת לי לקבל את הצורה של אותה סיטואציה, לעבוד איתה, בתוכה, יותר מתוך הרמוניה ופחות מתוך התנגדות.

בכל פעם שמגיעה סיטואציה חדשה שמטלטלת את חיי, נדמה כאילו היא טורפת את כל הקלפים ואני צריכה לעמוד מולה ולהתחיל שוב מאפס, אבל אז במבט שני אני רואה את אותו תהליך קורה.
אותה דרך מהחוץ אל הפנים, מהגס אל המעודן – וכשהשינוי קורה בפנים נשלח חזרה תדר אל החוץ, וזה האחרון, משתנה בתורו בעקבות התדר הפנימי.

נושאים: יומן יוגה | 81 תגובות »

81 תגובות

  1. מאת עודד :

    מה שעולה לי לראש זה שכל שינוי, בעיה, כל מצב חדש, צריך לראות אותם כפתח להזדמנות חדשה ולחשוב איך הם יכולים להיות לטובתנו במקום לראות אותם כאיום..
    זה לא אומר שצריך לקבל הכל בהשלמה, אבל גישה כזו יכולה לעזור בהפחתת ההתנגדות הפנימית שלנו כמו שאת מתארת, ושנמצאת, אני מניח אצל כל אחד, כי מי אוהב שינויים ומהפכות?

  2. מאת ליאת :

    נכון עודד.
    אין דבר שאנחנו שונאים יותר משינויים. גם כשרע לנו ואנחנו יודעים את זה, לפעמים אנחנו מעדיפים את הרע והמוכר על פני שינוי לטובה.
    למעשה, גם כשאנחנו כבר עושים צעד אל עבר שינוי אנחנו עושים כל שביכולתינו כדי שהוא לא יקרה :silly:

    היוגה מדברת על כך, שרוב הסבל בחיינו נגרם לא בגלל החיים עצמם או הדברים הרעים שקורים לנו, אלא בגלל הניסיון שלנו להיצמד אליהם או לדחות אותם מעלינו, מה שמייצר בכל מקרה היאחזות (attachment).
    למעשה ביוגה סוטרות של פטנג'לי יש סוטרה מאוד יפה שאומרת שהצער והעונג, הם שניהם גורמי סבל (קלישות) כיוון ששניהם מובילים אותנו להיקשר אליהם.
    היכולת לראות כל סיטואציה בחיינו כפתח לגדילה מאפשרת לנו להפנות את תשומת הלב שלנו מהמצב החיצוני פנימה אל עבר הפעולה שנכון לנו לבצע (אביאסה) ולשחרר את הניסיון שלנו לשלוט בתוצאה שכן היא ממילא לא בשליטתנו (ואירגיה)

    ושוב, תודה על התגובה :flrr:

  3. מאת רועי :

    לפעמים אני מרגיש שאת כותבת את מה שאני חושב.
    פוסט מדהים ומלא השראה! :trbn:

  4. מאת ליאת :

    תודה רבה רועי!
    אני חושבת שבסופו של דבר כולנו מאוד מאוד דומים במבנה הפנימי והתחושות שלנו, וכולנו עוברים דרך אותם חששות ותסכולים בחיים, למרות שנדמה לנו שאנחנו נורא שונים -אני רק מבטאת את זה כאן במילים :unsure:
    ויש רגעים רבים שהקלישאה הניו אייג'ית החבוטה "הכל אחד" – ברורה לי באופן מוחלט וחד משמעי על אף ולמרות הזילות הקשה שהיא סובלת ממנה (ושאלוהים יסלח לי) :angel:

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